Friday, February 9, 2018

Essay 6: Thinking, thinking

This is "Deep Thoughts #4" for 2018. I have taken Vanessa Martir's 52 Essay Challenge, and tweaked it a bit for this year. Instead of an essay a week, I'm just going to write some so-called deep thoughts. (Sometimes serious, sometimes jokey.) :)

I don’t have much to say this week. Not because there is nothing to say, but because there is too much to process. And one must process before one (namely, I) can speak. It has been a very full week for me.

Last weekend was Kundalini teacher training during which we discussed the mind. The three minds: the negative mind, positive mind, and neutral mind. And how meditation is pretty much the solution to everything. Hahaha! (Half joke, half serious)

I attended Marwa Helal’s one-night-only class at the Asian American Writers Workshop on the lyric essay and was really taken away by her knowledge and understanding of the lyric essay. I learned so much and I’m so so eager to get to work on some projects that could use the lyric essay as structure. Because there was so much goodness, I need some time to digest it all.

The night after that, I went to see Deepak Chopra give a talk on the healing self (the name of his new book). He started out talking about the body –from the moment of conception to birth—and how our bodies are engineering wonders, designed to repair itself without too much trouble. Halfway through the talk, he shifted to talking about awareness –the shift was seamless, really, a beauty to behold. In talking about awareness and physiology, he brought in ways in which we can maintain a state of wellbeing –all around. And then the yoga nerd in me kicked into high alert – he was talking my language! (To be honest, though, he was talking my language the whole time. Some of the metaphors –I wonder if he talks like that in everyday conversation…)

So yes, this week I am thinking, thinking (though my teacher, Mahan Rishi, discourages this – ego shouldn’t get so much attention. Haha! I tend to analyze and question and try to assign meaning to things that maybe don’t have meaning beyond what they are. Can a mountain simply be a mountain? Must it always be a metaphor for your life?). I am processing and digesting.

Some questions I am mulling over: if the present moment is what matters, if the goal is to focus on the now, what is the purpose of memory? If we are discouraged from clinging and encouraged to practice non-attachment (we are never the same person in any given moment, even if it is from one second to the next), what is the purpose of remembering the past? I don’t know if there are any answers. I am only pondering. (See above. Sometimes thinking gets me into trouble.)

But don’t worry, I won’t think so much that I will miss what’s happening right in front of my eyes. As for right now? Nothing is really happening in this very cold Starbucks (is there no heat in this place??).  One guy, in a long black wool coat, just walked out the door, coffee in hand, keys in the other, letting in a gush of cold air from outside. One person said thank you to the barista. The person next to me is reading something from his laptop while eating from the brown bag in his hand. There is a table of four people having a meeting of some kind. Yes, there are things happening. (I lied – haha) And while these things seem ordinary, if you take a moment to really look, to really see the ordinary, these are all people who are alive, who are breathing, who all have full use of their arms and legs, who might be having a hard time, or who might be having a celebratory time with no one to share it. So yes, be in the present moment. And don’t forget to breathe.
  

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