Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Re-entry, Day 3

I started to write a different post, one about Ross's lecture and our one-on-one conference. But then I hesitated, got side tracked, asked myself: what is it that I want to say about those two things? What did I want to share? I didn't know. So I stopped.

I've had this blog for many years, but have never been really consistent in keeping its content current. (The fact that the word "content" now means something having to do with a website already bothers me--but how else to speak of the words found on a website?-- and the fact that I'm doing it now to talk about my blog gives me the heebie-jeebies.) Being at Bread Loaf Orion gave me some purpose to writing daily, reporting on the happenings at the conference, sharing some new insights. Now that it's over and I am trying to process all that I've learned and discovered, I'm self-conscious about what I put here. How much do I think aloud in a public space? How much do I keep to myself? How does that choice matter to the results of discovery? It matters. A lot. Sometimes, sharing messes with the magic. Sharing before it's ready, that is.

So instead, I will talk about re-entry into my usual routine of life. How I am reluctant to just jump right back into the harried pace of my suburban Jersey life. I have a million errands to run, some of which I should probably do today (like go food shopping... we kinda need to eat), but I am reluctant to do them. I really don't want to interact with people. I just want to hole up in my house and write. And read. There is plenty I want to read! But that is not feasible for a mother, particularly one whose children are involved in various afterschool activities. So how does one get back into the world without totally destroying the magic of Bread Loaf? Without leaving it so far behind that it feels only like a dream?

I don't know.

Time keeps moving and there are things in place that are happening, that have been planned, that are inevitable. I cannot avoid them or stop them from happening. So I guess I just have to go with the flow and see it as my return to the sea.

One thing I considered doing in order to ease this transition was yoga. I have yet to try that. Maybe tomorrow morning. The other thing: knitting. Two very physical acts that engage one on various levels: physical, emotional, psychological. Maybe that will help me get grounded and centered. Clear-minded. Maybe.

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