Sunday, October 29, 2017

A Glimpse Into My Inexplicable World of Kundalini

This is (really late) Essay #42 of The 52 Essay Challenge, a series in which I write a new (unpolished & messy) essay each week during 2017.

Last weekend, I started teacher training for Kundalini yoga. If you don’t know what that is, the best way I can describe it is like this: it’s a yoga practice that works to align the ten bodies of your existence for optimal operation. Like a chiropractic practice for your mind, body, and soul. BUT it doesn’t look like vinyasa or any other kind of yoga you might be familiar with. There are a lot of movements of the body that are strange and unfamiliar (arms held at 60-degree angles, for example), linked with plenty of breath and breathing patterns. If you’re curious, google it – I’m sure my description is not doing it justice. The bottom line is this: if you’re open, the practice is transformative – in difficult ways that, in the end, pay off in bliss. (I know: I sound like a total yogi dork with my New Agey talk, but trust me on this. I’ve experienced it first hand.)

That said, opening training weekend was a doozy.

But the perfect storm was already set up for me. My kiddos were all fighting mild colds. My emotional stress was high because of the Me Too movement & talk of sexual assault and harassment on social media. Which then set off an episode of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Then add Kundalini to the mix? It was inevitable.

For clarification: my experience of Kundalini yoga usually results in a humming of the body; my vibration is elevated. The first day of training wasn’t really training like I expected. I was expecting some lectures & discussions of the science of yoga & Kundalini, maybe some readings of sacred yogic texts. But nooooo. It was an extended Kundalini practice. Morning session was about 4 hours. Then another 2-3 hours in the afternoon. My body was on overload. During the lunch break, I went to run a quick errand & sat in my car for a while, contemplating not going back. Then I went to the field across the street from the yoga studio and lay down in the grass for a while.

I was freaking out.

But I couldn’t explain why or even articulate what I was freaking out about. I just knew that something was happening in my body. And by association, something was also happening in my mind and spirit.

Still, I mustered up what I needed to finish out the day’s “training”. After all, I’m not a quitter. (Hello, Asian perfectionist girl.) The next morning? I couldn’t go to 4:30am sadhana – a 2-1/2 hour meditative & physical practice. Nor endure another 8 hours of “training” (if that’s what awaited me). My body was shot. I ended up sleeping all through Sunday until the next morning. About 24 hours or so.

The rest of the entire week, my body was low-key humming intermittently.

According to astrology and other sciences: we are entering the Aquarian Age (yes, just like the song). We just left the Age of Pisces, the time during which we are given information and, from that, we establish our belief system, our faith. The Age of Aquarius? It’s the age of experience; that what we experience directly informs our beliefs and faith, rather than knowledge told to us. Now, I’m not going to get into all the details of this, though it is fascinating! You can go do your own research. I’m only pointing this out because it helps me understand some of what has been going on in my life.

Go ahead. You can write me off as some crazy New Age weirdo. I don’t mind. Sometimes I call myself that! Haha! But I know what I know because I experienced it firsthand. And I know I didn’t make that shit up. I know it wasn’t a product of my imagination. How? Because some of the things I’ve experienced and witnessed aren’t even in my brain. And if I were to explain it to you, dear reader, it would sound totally generic. As in “yes, yes – I know exactly what you’re talking about because I have also felt this way.” But no. You haven’t felt this way – not like this.

Let me give you a brief example: in one instance, I had a moment when I found something abstract that I didn’t even know I was looking for. If I were to say this to someone (and I have), their response is: oh yes – I know exactly what you mean. Like it happens all the time. Does it? Do people find something they didn’t know they were looking for until it came into their lives? (And no, Target doesn’t count. Haha!) I don’t know. Not the thing that I experienced. It was startling. And if something like that happens all the time, then why the heck aren’t more people talking about it??

This one time I experienced such high vibrations in my body that I could’ve sworn, had I continued the practice just a few minutes longer, I’d probably be levitating. No joke. Not like superpower flying. Maybe a quarter-inch off the ground. But still. It was nuts. I sound nuts!

I considered dropping out of training. It was that intense. Do I want to subject my body, mind, and soul to that level of intensity? For the next TEN MONTHS?! WTF.

Of course I do. Haha – I think.

After some meditation and a really good long conversation with my friend and spiritual teacher, the answer is yes. As long as I have support along the way (and I know I do!), I’m in.

Deep breath.

Kundalini teacher training is going to kick my ass –both on the physical and cosmic levels. Get ready! 

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